Forgiven.

Recently, I’ve really began to dig deeper into who God is and what the bible is meant to be in my life. I think as a Christian, you uncover the different layers of God and the closer you grow to Him the different parts of Him you begin to see. There is no set guide to what each layer is but I like to think that as you grow as a Christian, you start seeing another part of who God is and personally experience this.

The first two layers are the only layers applicable to everyone. I think the first layer is where a large majority of the world are at. This is when you say that you are a Christian and you do believe in God but you haven’t personally given your life Him nor do you have a relationship with him. Basically, at this layer, all you know about the bible is second hand information (things you heard from your pastor or read on Facebook). Then you get saved and you begin to see things differently. God begins to work on you and your foundation is more solid. You start reading your bible personally, praying more regularly, become a dedicated church goer and such things.

After this the real battle of being a Christian begins because the closer you get to God, the better Satan gets at messing with you. I was stuck between these stages for a while. I was a regular church goer with an irregular relationship with God. I would bargain with Him on certain things because what He had in mind for me wasn’t exactly the life I had in mind for myself. But, at the beginning of this year I decided to challenge God’s promise and take Him at His word. And what a roller coaster this has been!

I started seeing God as not only a graceful and loving parent but I started seeing the firm hand of God. I realised that as I became more serious about pursuing God, He became relentless in pursuing me. The time I spent with Jesus became less shallow and I started digging deeper into what I read in the bible. I started seeing new sides to who God was and understanding things in the bible that never made sense to me before. More importantly, previous promises had been revived in my life and I was seeing God in a different, more clear way.

The one thing that really got to me was God’s forgiveness and how undeserved it was. I can’t fathom that I am loved so deeply by someone that despite what I do, He forgives me and wipes my slate clean. I can’t understand that despite my failure, and trust me I fail a LOT, I am still chosen. I don’t understand grace because I can’t comprehend a God so forgiving and so loving that He is willing to become flesh and die for me. I can’t understand God and I never will but because of me knowing how little I am without Him, it makes me love Him so much more. Knowing that I am so deeply loved makes me love a broken world the same. It’s this lack of understanding that opened my eyes. It’s this confusion that drew me closer to God and made me want to do better for Him. I always liked 1 John 4:19 but for the first time I understand it. I love because if I could be loved, I have no excuse not to love.

This is the craziest thing about God, the more you get to know Him, through His word, the more you realise how much you actually don’t know about Him and the extent of Him and this just pulls you closer to him. He loves us so ridiculously much and forgives you a thousand times over and over again. And I can say this to you every hour of every day but unless you experience it first hand, you will never understand what I really mean.

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