Breaking the Dating Norm

I’ve seen relationships in and out of a Christian environment and although they draw striking differences, there is one basic similarity between them. The misconception seems to be that singleness signifies incompleteness. This led me to think about one thing: if I never were to get married, would I still fully pursue my calling?

Matt 6:33 (AMP) But first and most importantly seek (aim at, strive after) His kingdom and His righteousness [His way of doing and being right–the attitude and character of God], and all these things will be given to you also.

I’ve heard countless sermons on this specific verse and because of this, I tend to miss new revelations on this verse (familiarity of the gospel can be a dangerous thing). But one Sunday I was sitting in church and the MC was joking around about “finding the one” at a gathering my church will be having tomorrow (the dreaded valentines day church gatherings – a content single Christian’s nightmare). While rolling my eyes at another one of his match-making attempts, I started wondering why we put so much pressure on relationships. Don’t get me wrong, I place immense value on dating. Romantic relationships have a unique influence on our faith and can change our perception of love and destructive relationships can do a lifetime of damage. Truthfully, I cannot wait for the day when I find someone to build the church with. BUT, until then, I will build the church in the capacity I currently have, serve God with everything I am and align my heart to strive for all things Heaven has. I can and will pursue my calling and build the church without a significant other alongside me.

The question the Holy Spirit prompted me with – would being single stop me from pursuing my calling – scared me. Was I becoming consumed with the things the world places value on? Or was this a subtle way of God preparing me for that single life I so dreaded? Amazingly, within this slightly irrational fear, God gave me this verse. Seek first the Kingdom (your purpose within God’s plan, your identity in His story, the word of God and its impact on the world) AND all these things shall be added onto you. We do not seek the Kingdom of God for our own gain or selfish desires. We do not study the word of God to manipulate it so we may receive what we want. We seek first the Kingdom so that our hearts align with God’s heart, that our desires become what He desires.

Bringing it back to dating, if our heart is set on finding “the one” before seeking God, we run the risk of settling for a relationship that undermines the calling and purpose God intended for us. When we seek God first, dating becomes an exciting add-on to life, not life’s purpose itself. And when God knows our hearts are in the right place, He may put someone in your path who encourages you to continue seeking God and builds God’s church with you. But until that day comes, learn to make God, not a relationship status, the obsession of your heart.


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