This may be the most difficult post I’m yet to write.
Not because I have writer’s block but rather because I find it near impossible to summarise my story and why today is so significant to my journey so far. However, if I could sum up my life in one line, it would be this: God is in the detail.
The 16 of March will forever be a day near to my heart. You see, on 15 March 2014, I was getting ready for a res dance. I did my hair and nails and made sure that I was looking as good as I could on the outside. I was happy with my life. I thought I had God, but I definitely had friends. Throughout the night, I started drinking a variety of drinks and got slightly drunk. And by slightly I mean I blacked out. The next morning, I woke up to multiple texts from my friends asking me if I had arrived back at res safely. Normal text right? Except, I had no recollection of leaving res. I laughed at this as we normally do. This was not the first time I had been drunk and run off on my own mission. But this was the first time I had felt ashamed of my decision.
I decided to go on a run that morning to try and sweat my hang over away (an oddly efficient method). I ended up running through the very empty streets of Stellenbosch and ran straight into the botanical gardens. I was so exhausted that I sat on a bench in a secluded area. Suddenly, I broke down in tears. I was not happy with the person I had become. I was failing so many subjects, I was swearing at my friends, I was drunk at least twice a week. I was not a role model to myself, let alone my friends. In that moment of absolute desperation, my playlist shuffled to Embers by Hillsong Young and Free and I looked down at this plant called “Heart of Fire”. In that moment, I encountered a different side of God.
The moment seems surreal when I look back and sometimes I feel like I made up this story. But it was real. As real the God who told me that He was waiting for me. As real as the unconditional love that was waiting for me to accept Him. This post is titled “God of The Detail” because if I tried to explain to you how my life is a perfectly written story of small interwoven details that all add up to God, I’d be writing for years.
That was the moment God told me that the passion inside of me for His church was going to grow wildly, that I was going to graduate, that I’d be in young adults ministry and that the one connect group we had in Stellies was going to be the foundation of a church. But firstly, He told me that my mistakes would not be held against me. Last year, on 16 March, we announced the venue for our church in Stellenbosch a a worship night for young adults. Today, 16 March 2017, I had the opportunity of going out to a university to invite people to church and speak to them about Jesus. Tomorrow, I graduate. And I have no guilt or shame about the mistakes of my past.
Did God’s word come to pass? YES. Did they happen how or when I expected? Heck no. But within each promise was more tiny details and a process that led me to the place where I am today. A place where I’m able to sustain the promises and trust in God’s ability.
He is a gracious and faithful God. Trust Him.