I was about 14 or 15 years old when my best friend at the time gave me the worst piece of relationship advice. I liked the first boy who liked me back but something inside of me knew I deserved more than him. He was cute, athletic and sometimes funny. But truthfully, that was all he had to offer. When I rejected him, my best friend looked at me with such disappointment and said “you’re standards are too high, you should drop them or you’ll be single forever”.
At 22, going on 23, many of my friends are in serious relationships and some are already married and my love life has been a consistent status since my birth. A few weeks ago, those words of my ex-best friend haunted me again. Were my standards too high? Has Disney movies and Hollywood given me an unrealistic expectation?
After some self-reflecting and multiple cups of comfort tea, I realised that now at 22, I am still unwilling to drop my standards. Sadly, there is a sorrow in knowing you are with more than what life tends to dish out.
As an avid player of the candy crush saga games, I often find myself at a cross roads in the game. I’ll create a special colour bomb candy and want to use it so badly. But I know that if I don’t use immediately, I could save it and combined it with another special candy and create something amazing. The risk however, is that I might run out of moves and that special candy might go to waste. So I have a choice. And I always choose to wait for the better. Because honestly, if I miss the chance to use that specific candy, another special candy will be created. But, if I use the special candy and waste it, the regret of not waiting is always worse.
This is a silly example but in a strange way it reminded me why I’m content in waiting when I know I’m worth more. I’ve met so many amazing guys who became some of my closest friends and some of them are now married or dating and it’s so easy to look at them and think“I missed a good one” but the truth is that there are so many amazing guys. And one day, one of them will meet my apparent unrealistically high standards.
But until that day, which will come, I still refuse to settle for someone just because they’re around. I want to wait for the guy who pursues me intentionally, who is intelligent and witty, who makes me laugh and isn’t afraid of embarrassing himself a little. I want to wait for the guy who values and respects me because he too knows my worth. Do I run the risk of never finding them? 100%. But is singleness really worse than settling for less than you deserve? Maybe not.