This year, I’m doing a one-year internship programme at my church. I have loved most of the days (I am not a high-energy, people-driven person so being around people for 10-13 hours a day is a challenge). But there was one moment that absolutely broke me.
During our weekly prayer meeting, our intern pastor asked if we could all find a space and just pray for whatever our hearts led to. I started praying and caught myself off-guard by praying this one line
“God, I’m sorry that all this exists because we brought sin into this world. I’m sorry we couldn’t be the creations you intended. I’m sorry for all the times our prideful hearts thought we knew better”
I paused after saying this and recalled the words to my favourite verse, which suddenly had a deeper meaning
Psalm 51:16-17 MSG “Going through the motions doesn’t please you, a flawless performance means nothing to you. I learned God-worship when my pride was shattered, heart shattered lives ready for love don’t for a moment escape God’s notice”
Since this prayer/ revelation, my worship hasn’t been the same. Something shifted within the deepest part of my heart. I’ve started to grab hold of the idea that God doesn’t need me, He wants me.
He wants us.
There was something so romantically profound in this thought. The idea that The Creator of the universe and All Powerful One chooses to be intimate with those who call Him Father. He chooses to forgive and to love and to protect.
I’m a fairly performance driven Christian (truthfully, I wouldn’t be surprised if I sided with the pharisees 2000 years ago). So stepping into a Sunday I become extremely focused on the task at hand. However, this Sunday, I walked into Sunday with a massive ease and grace. I was broken hearted before God, in need of the love that He was choosing to bestow on me. And I was not disappointed.
Vulnerability is not my strong point, or in my skill set. But I guess the entire point of this post is to encourage that. When last have you been vulnerable before God? Allow Him to choose to love you, in your brokenness and humility.
(Featured photo courtesy of Hillsong Church South Africa)