If you keep up with my blogs, you may notice I often write on my refusal to settle. Specifically in relationships. My sole reason for doing this is actually to remind myself, more than anyone else, not to settle. Despite getting countless revelations and being an expert preacher to others, I find my mind wandering into an endless pit of “what if I never find someone” “what if I’ll always be the extra wheel” “what if there’s something wrong with me“.
I’m not writing this to gain some kind of self worth or hopefully receive a compliment or two. The purpose of this post actually came from my dinner (because of course food is this forever alone single girl’s soul mate HA). I had left over soup for dinner tonight. I dished out a couple of spoons into the bowl and heated it up. Maybe a bit too hot because I couldn’t hold the bowl with my bare hands. After looking in the bowl, I was a little bit disappointed at the amount of soup I had in there. So I added cold soup into the piping hot soup. Suddenly, my hot soup was lukewarm and it was less appetising that I expected.
Dating someone who has “potential” or settling for someone who doesn’t meet the standard you desire has the risk of being this bowl of lukewarm soup. In a christian context, maybe you’re sold out for Jesus and His Church, you’re on fire and in tuned with the Holy Spirit. And then you meet someone who is perfect in every way except for the one small little detail that they don’t love Jesus like you do. Or they don’t think you need to go to church. Or they don’t think compassion is a necessity. Or their views on justice contradicts yours. So you start to compromise on your own values and convictions because compromising just a little bit is better than loneliness, right?
Wrong. Compromising takes a warm bowl of soup and turns it into lukewarm, maybe even cold soup. You think you can change them but the truth is, even if you lift their level, is it worth possibly lowering yours?
This is a lesson I need to relearn in every season. It is so easy to overlook character flaws and make excuses for someone. When you start making up excuses for someone, you allow flaws to take control and hinder growth. It’s better to be disappointed in a relationship that never happened than to be heart-broken by one the wrong one. Unfortunately, you rarely will know which path you’re choosing.
featured image credit: Kylie Parkson flickr