Almost exactly one year ago, I wrote a blog post called Dear Future Husband. Now although that post was written in a season of contempt singleness, it was written at towards the end of 5 years of absolute singleness (of which I hated 4 and half years of it)
Flash forward 366 days later, I am no longer single. In my first “grown up” relationship and finding myself needing to get comfortable with the fact that I may need to possibly close the chapter of single forever. Full disclosure, I’ve been in this relationship for a good 2 seconds and I won’t pretend to be an expert in dating or have all the answers. This post is simply to write about the journey of becoming instead of finding and what I learnt over the last 5 years of being properly single.
I won’t go in the the detail of how my boyfriend and I met or the crazy amount of detail that wrote our story up until we started dating. But I do want to speak about what I am grateful for doing while I was still single.
Now I would like to say that because no person has the same journey, there probably is no set method of powering through your season of single. For example, when I was 18, God very clearly told me that I would be single for 5 years. Towards the end of last year at the age of 23, I stepped into a relationship. I see now the journey that God had set before my 18 year old heart to prepare me for now. And I am particularly grateful that He taught me these three things:
- Be selfish with a pure heart
You need to learn that you have full permission to say no to things that will hurt you and yes to what makes you happy. You need to learn that you might never again have this little obligation to the world. You need to learn that sometimes taking a day off to make a homemade face-mask and paint your nails is actually socially acceptable.
But I say “with a pure heart” because there is a line. Keeping your heart pure sets your future relationship up for a win because you don’t build up emotional baggage that brings unnecessary tension into your future relationship.
Being selfish with a pure heart means learning to love the potential in you, to embrace the things that you would naturally hide from the world and developing a healthy love for your life.
- Refused to compromise on matters of my heart
I cannot emphasise this one enough. I see so many of my friends blur the lines on friendships with unhealthy people because it feels good in the moment. Grow the courage to have the most steadfast no on things that compromise your calling, your mental health and your heart in general.
Don’t do it.
It may suck in the moment but it will hurt you more in the long run if you compromise. Always make decisions for your future self.
- Make good (girl) friends
I am grateful for my girl gang. Maybe our friendship looks different now that we’re moving cities and getting into relationships. But while we were all single and in close proximity to others, we built the strongest foundations.
They still encourage me when I’m having the worst days.
They still call me out when I’m being horrible.
They still have my back.
Getting into a relationship was never meant to be the only support structure. I was meant to be another asset to your support structure.