In high school, I wanted to be one of those girls who had all the guys. I wanted to be the girl who society expressed as valuable. The girl who could snap her fingers and have several guys standing to her attention. The kind of girl who other girls envied because of the amount of guys she could easily get. Basically, I thought to be valuable, to mean something or to be loved you needed to be in a relationship. It wasn’t until my matric year that I realised how wrong I was.
It’s so easy for girls to get lost in this idea of what self-value is. Too many girls think that they will find their value through a guy. They think that without a worldly love, they are nothing. And this breaks my heart. I blame society for this idea inserted into the minds of girls. In fairy tales, the girl only becomes a princess when she is saved by a prince. Today, girls waste their lives looking for prince charming. They read the latest magazines, buy the newest clothes and are constantly changing their appearance to keep up with what the media is telling them they should look like, act like and be. It’s as if their purpose is to find this magical prince that will save them. Reality is, we’ve already been saved. We are born princesses because our Father is King; we are already saved through the death of Jesus Christ. We never have to search for a prince because our Father in heaven has prepared a prince for us. One who will love you whether your hair is curly or straight, whether you are tall or short, skinny or chubby, one who will love you infinitely and treat you the way God treats the church. A true prince charming.
One of my favourite scriptures in the bible is Proverbs 31. The verse that always stands out the most to me is v25
25: She is clothed with strength and dignity, she can laugh at the days to come
If we are clothed with God-given strength and dignity, why are we so concerned with the latest fashion trends to keep guys attention. What could be more beautiful than a girl who walks with confidence?
One of my best friends sent me a picture comparing society and God’s way of finding love. The one that stuck with me was the one that said “Society tells us to find the right person, Christ tells us to become the right person”. When I first read this I was a bit confused. Why would Christ want me to change? Did He not make me the way I am for His purpose? I had to think about this for a while before realising that I couldn’t be more naïve at that moment. When you’re searching for the right person, not only are you straying away from the plan the God has set for your life but you’re also setting up an expectation of what you think you need when really, it’s just what you want according to a worldly desire. Who knows us better than the One who created us? So why do we doubt God? His timing is perfect and the guys He set apart for us will help us grow in every aspect in our lives, cheering us on and guiding us through Christ.
Whenever I speak to girls in relationships, the happiest ones seem to be the ones who didn’t go out searching for “the one”. They’re the ones who were serving God when they met the guy they are dating. Another thing I’ve noticed, mainly in my church, is how many couples form in church. This makes me excited. These couples weren’t formed in clubs where the girl was losing her morals in attempt to find a guy who sort of makes her a bit happy. These girls were giving Christ their everything when He blessed them with a relationship, and not them searching. Today, girls think that their value lies in the amount of guys they’ve kissed, or how “cool” their boyfriend is. But even when they have achieved this, they still feel empty inside. This is because there is no substitution for God’s unfailing and unconditional love.
Recently, I decided to stop worrying about being single and just living my life. Although, making the decision was a lot easier than following through with it. I set up 4 simple guidelines to help me with my resolution.
1. Be you
I’m a girl who is laid back, I don’t particularly like dressing up and I’m an odd person. Seriously odd. That is who I am. I was created this way by God for His purpose. If a guy doesn’t like that about me, there is nothing I can do about it. I won’t expect him to run a marathon for me if he’s a swimmer. Too many girls today are willing to change who they for a temporary relationship. The media is always giving us tips on how you should act if you like someone. I always wondered, once you’ve got this guy, do you continuing acting like the fake you and when would be the right time to become the real you? When you’re living the way God intended you to live, you will never need to change. God sent his only son down to die for you. The real you. That should be enough to never change who you are
2. Never lower your values.
As a student, I go out to clubs and I’m always being tempted to do things that my parents would not be impressed with. In not doing them I’m not saying I’m perfect, in fact I am so far from that but I know what my values are and I know I’m not willing to lower them for anyone. I see girls throwing their values out the window almost every day for a guys who probably don’t even know their names and I know that is not what Christ wants. If you say no to a guy and he breaks up with you straight after that, did he really love you in the first place? I hear stories like this but instead of letting the guy go, girls become who the guy wants. When these guys break their hearts, they become lost. Luckily for us, God believes in second chances and He wants nothing more than to restore the broken pieces of your heart.
3. Be patient.
God is never late nor early, His timing is perfect. I battle with this one the most. Patience is not one of my virtues so waiting for God is generally a battle for me. But how great are the rewards we receive when we receive them. And they are only this great because the timing is perfect. The same applies to relationships. God might want both of you to grow and mature before you start a relationship together. It’s a lot like baking a cake. If you take the cake out of the oven before it’s baked, you’ll have horribly raw cake. If you leave it in too long, you have a burnt cake. But if you follow the directions and take the cake out at the right moment, you will have a perfectly baked caked. All we need to do is follow the directions we receive from God and wait.
4. Focus on God.
There is a guy that God has set apart in this world who will see the value in you the way God intended. All you have to do is give your heart to God and allow him to place it in the hands of that guy. It’s as simple as that. Keep serving God in everything you do, pray and read your bible and just be patient. In Matthew 6 Jesus says
33: Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and He will give you everything you need
Let that be you’re constant reminder that God will never fail us and His promises are certain. And most important, remember that, because we have God, we don’t need a man to fulfill our lives. You don’t need a “better half” because you are whole in Christ.